Men of the world, watch out! pt. 2: Chemistry.com survey

After my dismaying encounter with eharmony, I went to chemistry.com, which I understand to be an offshoot of match.com. I have heard mixed things about match.com itself; I do know at least one couple that met on that site, but it seems rather meat market-ish. I understand it’s more inclined towards casual dating than serious relationships per se, and so chemistry.com is match.com’s bid to take over some of eharmony’s share of that “serious relationship” market. So I gave chemistry.com a shot.

Watch out, men of the world! Also: eharmony fail

I have always been a climb-back-on-the-horse person. (Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So says Einstein.)

So: at the urging of two of my closest, oldest friends–one of whom is in a happy relationship because of this–I am giving online dating a shot. My expectations are actually quite low. Non-existent, really, in terms of real romance and a real relationship. At this point in time, I still can’t imagine anyone but you-know-who in my life. On the other hand, I am still hesitant about accepting his overtures of restarting the relationship. So my mental interest in finding a new boyfriend or man-love is…low. To nil. But, as my friend and advisor (let’s call her Belle) suggests, it’s a good way to make friends, and it’s better to go into it hoping to make friends than to find a soulmate.

Two nights ago I gave eharmony a spin. I had given a gift membership to my mother a year ago, and she did not care for it at all (“too many ugly people”). But I liked their whole compatibility business, and it seems like a very earnestly put together enterprise, although I find their model couples in their commercials kind of annoying. So I sat down and with the help of my roomie finished their hour-long survey. And out of 12 million members? I had seven. Seven matches. Seriously? I had heard that if you are a highly educated woman, eharmony can be rough on you. Very rough. But…seven! Deleted my trial run account. Stat.

Roomie also observed that it seems like eharmony is trying to find a match who is as much like me as possible. This is bad, very bad.

Moreover, one thing that I thought was interesting was that eharmony matched me with all Asian men; I like Asian men well enough, but…really? ALL of them were Asian? Weird.

Next post: tentative success, in finding a decent dating site.

p.s. I found a good ballet teacher! Huzzah!

The slough of despond

And he said unto me,  ‘This miry slough is such a place as cannot be mended: it is the descent whither the scum and filth that attends conviction for sin doth continually run; and therefore it is called the Slough of Despond. For still, as the sinner is awakened about his lost condition, there arises in his soul many fears and doubts, and discouraging apprehensions, which all of them get together, and settle in this place: and this is the reason of the badness of this ground.’

Paul Bunyan, The Pilgrim’s Progress

I am in the slough. The slough of despond. Whither has all my motivation gone? To do anything but the lamest of household chores? The most I am attempting to get accomplished today, it seems, is to not take a nap. And then sleep another 9 hours.

Outside of a LOT of family and relationship drama, also feeling a bit glum about how much my dance skills have regressed in just a few weeks. Well. Back to the studio, I guess. How else do I know that I am in the slough? I am reading Star Trek novels. Yessss. My guilty pleasure from my teenage years. Am about halfway through Diane Duane’s Bloodwing series, ordered for a buck off Amazon. But the sequel, The Empty Chair, is only available as an ebook…curses!

Actionable action plan? Avoid nap. Cook shrimp with lemon for dinner. Study Chinese for an hour. Go for walk/jog with roomie. Shower. Scope out sources for research next week. Look up info on photography courses. Finish Eudora Welty’s The Optimist’s Daughter.

Actually, the slough of despond is quite comfortable. It has the consistency of a soft and luscious pudding, with all the guilt that usually accompanies such confections.

A new studio, and those teenage dancers…

Two days ago, I attended class for the first time in two weeks. After I hobbled back to my apartment, I lay prone on my bedroom rug because my legs had essentially dissolved into jelly. Astonishing how fast that muscle strength goes away…

So although I have bought a class card, I’m not sure I’ll be staying with this particular studio. I plan on finishing the class series, of course, but if the other teachers/classes are like this one, I won’t be buying another set.

The class itself was challenging, yes. My thighs will (screamingly) attest to this. The teacher was clearly knowledgeable. The piano accompaniment was good. The studio building itself was charming.

So what was wrong? Simply: It may have billed itself as an adult class, but it did not cater to adults.

1. No individual corrections at barre, except to the teen, pre-professional dancers.
2. No corrections of older adults (and there were women there who were probably in their 50s, 60s) at barre.
3. All corrections in center directed towards teen pre-professional dancers. During center, these were the dancers that the teacher watched; she gave only passing glances to the older women.

Now, I don’t want to be uncharitable towards teen dancers–they are lovely to watch, and often quite fun to have in an adult class. They tend to be less easily embarrassed than older adults, particularly beginners, so teachers feel more comfortable using their bodies to demonstrate a teaching point. In fact I would go so far as to say that I really enjoy having a big range of ages and body types in class; it’s just more interesting that way.

But it’s simply not worth the money or effort if the teacher ignores anybody who isn’t one of these dancers. Frankly, I and most of the other women in class have absolutely no ambition of performing or a professional career. It’s obviously not in the cards. But we’re in it to improve, and if a teacher pays you no attention at all, then what’s the point? Certainly, teachers have a tendency to focus on students “with potential” (i.e. the right body type), but honestly, adult students generally have no potential for performance. Perhaps teachers just do it out of habit, but as a paying customer, I find this irritating.

This shouldn’t be as much of an issue in beginning adult classes; the pre-teen and teen dancers don’t tend to drop in to these classes. It’s only when the levels begin to mix somewhat at the intermediate and advanced levels do you get this kind of in-class discrimination.

So I have 11 classes left to go…here’s hoping that the other teachers are better than this.

There is plenty to do

So, I’ve moved to a beautiful Northern California city; it’s gorgeous here. I have been dreaming of living in this place since I was about 14 or 15 years old, and it only took me a decade to get here. Secured a darling, if very old and slightly crusty apartment with a childhood friend, and am settling in.

Suffice it to say that I haven’t been to class for nearly two weeks now. Before the move there was a wedding, another trip, and a lot of academic work that needed finishing. Now I’m exhaling a bit–I woke up this morning at 7, puttered around the apartment for an hour, and then went back to bed for a luxurious nap between 8 and 10.

I must admit that I’m rather dreading returning to class and seeing how much has, well, gone away. But it will have to wait until all the furniture assembled, the clothes and things put away, and so on.

Progress update

I’ve never danced so much in my life. I’m taking a 3-hour intermediate-advanced class Monday through Thursday, which means I’m in class 12 hours a week; on top of that, I’m trying finish off a few class tickets at my old studio before they expire. So this week, this meant that I was in class for a grand total of 16.5 hours. Basically, my life is just my academic work, and dancing. I know this is nowhere near what professional dancers do, but it’s been a definite challenge for me, since I usually average around 4 or 5 hours of class a week.

I get up in the morning, go to ballet class, come home, make lunch, eat, work on my project, then it’s back to class in the afternoon. Come home again, eat dinner, then reading and writing till bedtime.

The results are good, for the most part: a better sense of my center, and I am picking up combinations faster than I ever have. Even unfamiliar steps (sissone doublé, anyone?) are easier to master. I’ve also almost ripped off a toenail, and have been sore in the ol’ gluteus maximus, hamstrings, calves, quads since Tuesday. It was a relief to hear an older dancer tell me that she thought I had danced as a child–a great compliment to someone who started as an adult.

Oddly, I’ve gained a pound this week, despite the dancing, even though I’ve kept my diet steady. It’s unclear to me how this happened.

Going well: small jumps and beats. A fun combination: entrechat trois, entrechat trois, entrechat cinq, pas de bourree, assemble battu, royale. Grand jete entrelace & fouettes. Saut de basque. Flexibility is increasing. About two inches from getting fully into front and back splits.

Needs work: turnout, as always. Pique en dehors (lame duck turns). Sissone double with developpe. Pivote. Spotting with turns in a circle. Fast turning combinations, like: pique turn, pique turn, saut de basque, soutenu turn. I need to work on going faster without losing the spot.

And to remind myself that what I do is not bad at all, a day in the life of the lovely (Asian!) Royal Ballet dancer, Yuhui Choi (linked to from the balletbag’s twitter account):

Time for class!

Adult ballet: recommended reading

When I began ballet, I found it useful and encouraging to know something about what I was getting into.

A few books and sites I found useful:

1. ABT ballet dictionary: a wonderful online dictionary of ballet terms and steps. The first and most daunting thing about ballet is probably the language; it’s in French, and most teachers will use the French terms as opposed to describing the motion (i.e. 4 pliés instead of “bend your knees four times”). Click on a term or step in this dictionary and there are images and videos to make the term clear.

2. Ballet talk for adult ballet students: a great community here for all different levels of ballet students. I used to read this board frequently (never did any posts, though). If you have a burning question about what’s going on in class, this is a great place to ask it. There is also some excellent information in the archives; and a great sticky on adult summer intensives, if you’re so inclined!

3. Joffrey Ballet’s Ballet Fit: a guide geared specifically towards adult ballet students. Cheap, straightforward, with lots of good general advice. There are also some exercises and descriptions of the overal arc of a ballet class, which is useful. Not a substitute for a real class, of course! There is a section on pointe in the back for the especially ambitious. Of all the books I read when starting out, this one was the best in terms of practical application.

4. The Ballet Companion: not specifically created for adult students, but a beautifully illustrated guide with descriptions of positions and ballet history. Also discusses non-ballet dance, such as jazz and modern. An elegant book.

5. Classical Ballet Technique (Recommended by puddle): I don’t own this book, but it looks to be an excellent resource for positions and steps. Over 2600 photographs, featuring dancers from ABT and the Joffrey.

Have more? Put them in the comments and I’ll add them!

Adult ballet: who can dance?

Ballet has an aura of inaccessibility. It is, for one thing, considered to be an elite form of artistic expression, one supposedly requiring a discriminating and educated audience; one calls to mind mumbling, monocled WASPS squinting politely at the stage. For another, it is old. The stories of the classical ballets–Giselle, Swan Lake, and so on–are old. Melodramatic. Not terribly subtle, and they can feel emotionally distant. And there is nothing more inaccessible than the ballerina herself: young, slim, with a body so stylized by the demands of turnout and line that it can seem deformed, with almost all of her years swallowed up by classes, rehearsal, performance.

In this post, I would like to address the last part of this mythology. I would like to make a case for the adult ballet dancer. Or, more specifically, the adult ballet beginner.

If you are an adult reading this post (provided you aren’t one of my friends who are required by the blog gods to read it), you’ve probably fantasized about taking a ballet class for the first time; or if you danced as a child, you have contemplated returning to ballet. But perhaps you hesitate: is ballet really for someone like me?

I would like to speak briefly from personal experience. When I began ballet, in my very late teens–about 19, I was the model anti-ballerina. I was fat, uncoordinated, and nerdy. (I believe that I am still fat and nerdy, though less fat and less uncoordinated than I used to be–thanks to ballet.) I was running 5 miles a day, 3 days a week, which manifested in my body as the largest, tree-trunkiest calves I have ever seen on a human being. I had never taken a dance class in my life.

But I had always wanted to dance. And always had, flailing and jumping, in the privacy of my own bedroom. I flailed to any kind of music I listened to; Rodgers and Hammerstein, Mozart, Tchaikovsky, U2, Paul Simon, the Star Wars soundtrack, Van Halen. It was an embarrassing secret. It seemed unbelievable even to myself that I–shy, awkward, always the odd one out–wanted to do something so elite, so thin-and-perfect-and-preppy as ballet. But what could I say? I flailed on. And one day, there was a poster in the gym about ballet classes for beginners.

There was no epiphany. I did not one day climb on top of my chair and announce to the world, devil may care, that I was good enough, and doggone it, people liked me, and I would take ballet if I wanted to. I took a more cowardly approach. I convinced a friend to take the class with me. I figured I could hide behind her, and we would both be awful, and I wouldn’t feel quite so bad about myself. So she and I bought ballet slippers, skirts, and signed up for class. (I bought slippers that were two sizes too big for me, but figured it was no big deal.)

There were many, many people in the first class. I remember watching the advanced dancers in the class; you know, the ones that have been dancing for a long time, and to shore up their technique will take the beginner level classes. I watched them dance and I was utterly seduced. They were so beautiful. I thought to myself that I would suffer the indignity of being in this class, if only so I could watch those girls dance. After class, in the dressing room, one of them asked if I was a dancer. She was really a gorgeous dancer: lovely technique, long legs, curly hair. I said, no, no, I’m not a dancer at all. And she smiled at me and she said, oh, everyone is a dancer!

It was cheesy. I know. But I remember feeling the sincerity in her voice and really believing it. She wasn’t being condescending. She believed it. So I believed it.

What I also recall is seeing the look of total panic on the face of my friend during class. She dropped out after the first week.

I kept going, however. Not without a good amount of insecurity: I was terrified to go across the floor, and constantly got cramps in my legs and feet. I looked awful. I was not flexible. I wore these horrible yoga pants that did nothing for my figure, either. My shoes were too big. I couldn’t keep my balance. But I went, every week. If only to watch the girls better than me, if only to make the smallest bit of progress, because the dancing was more important than any sense of humiliation. I told myself that all I wanted to do was to be able to pirouette. Just one pirouette. And then I would be satisfied, and that would be enough ballet.

Six years later, and here I am. I’m still dancing. I can pirouette. I can even do two pirouettes. What happened in the meantime? Ballet has made my life better; it has shaped my body (although I’m still fleshy). It is a wonderful breath in the middle of my studies. It has taught me about the possibilities contained by the human form. It has given me a taste of discipline and sacrifice. And it has certainly taught me many lessons about humility, and about the beauty and value of sheer effort. The most important development, I think, is that ballet is a way to be honest. Taking ballet class is a manifestation of a wish I had for a long time. To dance ballet is to be honest with myself.

So, if you are thinking about taking ballet, I would tell you to go. Be honest with yourself. Everyone is a dancer.

next: getting started with ballet–the essentials.

a change!

If you click back to the first post of this blog, you’ll see that I started wandering apricot when I started graduate school. It was to celebrate a fresh start. I did the same (several times, I think!) in college, when I abandoned and then restarted blogs for travel abroad, the thesis, so on and so forth.

Now I am getting started in earnest on the dissertation, albeit at the beginning of the process (prospectus, oral exams). I am also planning to move in a few months or so. I feel the need to change.

I am going to leave this blog intact. Actually, from now on, I am going to gear this blog towards dance: a record of my progress, as well as posts here and there about adult ballet and ballet generally. It’s surprising to me that I am getting thousands of hits from people looking for information about hyperextension, insteps, etc., and so I wouldn’t like to simply delete this blog. And I expect that dance is going to take up more and more of my non-academic hours this summer and in the coming year, so there should be plenty to discuss.

As for the new blog, it can be found at http://asitwas.tumblr.com , and it will be focused on the rest of my life. I chose tumblr because of its gorgeous designs, as well as its ease of use. It is substantially more limited than wordpress, and seems geared more towards a fast, short, twitter, brief post style. But I think this is perfect for me, because increasingly, I have less and less to say about my own life, and I think that it will be more easily summarized in a few sentences or photos from time to time. To wit: I am getting less verbose about my own life. This is good for everyone, I think.

The tumblr blog will also be more focused on my work than my own life. This may change, but I rather like the idea of using the tumblr blog as a journal of my studies, replete with photos.

It will also be easier to post comments, particularly for anonymous commentators.

So: come and see!

End of term update

Not an exciting title. But! Things have been quite exciting for me of late; just take a look at the weekend I have planned:

clean room, Chinese vocab, Chinese homework, Chinese flashcards, 15 essays (grade), make book stacks (recent arrivals for the prospectus!), return library books, gym, microficheing, groceries, ballet, scrub down shower, lesson plans…

It’s a lot. And yet I spent today going to ballet class, napping, and playing video games. I did get the room cleaned, though, and I composed my grocery list. So hopefully tonight I can do 5 essays, write up my flashcards, and that should be enough for the time being. Tomorrow and Sunday are going to be nuts.

This week I have also been eating quite differently, so I do anticipate having enough energy to get through all of this. I have cut down bread, rice and pasta to amounts that I had never before imagined possible (about a cup of cooked rice a day, and no bread or pasta whatsoever), and also limited my meat intake (4 sardines, a little roasted chicken, about 5 slices of bacon this week).

I upped my intake of fruit–grapes, mango, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries–and vegetables–a TON of spinach, onions, garbanzo beans, bok choy, you cai, enoki, tomatoes, mustard greens. Mostly organic stuff. The surprising thing is, I’m eating a lot of food; I mean, I am even eating chocolate and the occasional cup of juice (I don’t drink juice, normally), and I have amazing amounts of energy. Normally, I have to sip at a frappuccino all day to get through my 7AM-7PM on campus Thursdays, but this Thursday I didn’t need it. I even managed to stay awake in Chinese. Shocking! I cut down on rice etc. because I sometimes do this when I start feeling sluggish. I’ve never done it to this degree before, and the results are really amazing. I don’t even want to eat bread or pasta anymore. And I LOVE noodles…this is really saying something. I don’t even crave it. I’m not ravishingly hungry at all.

I just feel light! Nice and light and able to focus. I have been eating about 1900 calories a day, and with this change in diet, I think I’m still landing somewhere in this range. I suppose I may go back to a higher proportion of carbs in my diet, particularly when I start doing ballet more intensively this summer. I’m taking an intermediate-advanced class that meets 4 days a week for 3 hours a day. That’s 12 hours of ballet a week from late June through the end of July! At that point, I may need to up the bread and pasta again. But for the time being, I feel really happy without them. I even think my skin is looking better…

I will say that to keep up the massive veggie intake, I have been going to the grocery store essentially every other day. So that is a bit of a drain on my time. But the results are worth it.

So…I’m feeling happy, if not as productive as I’d like to be. Hopefully by the end of the weekend I’ll be able to better judge where I stand for the last week (and the following finals week) of quarter.