Some advice for gentlemen seeking love online

First order of business: Washington. A good guy, clearly respectful and decent, no complaints here. But there was NO spark. Not even a sad little fizzle. He just seemed…old. And actually, he was no older than anyone I’ve ever dated, but he was just…so…fixated on how old he was. And he clearly wanted to just GET MARRIED AND GET IT OVER WITH which is not very attractive. But he was nice. The final but: but I think neither he nor I want to take this further. It was an amicable date. And that’s all it was.

Roomie has been prodding me regularly to keep going with it, though I have taken 3 or 4 day breaks from checking my account. Having been at it for almost a month now, though, I would like to submit a few suggestions to men attempting the rather chancy venture of online dating:

1. Have a photo on your profile. I mean, not to be shallow here, but why would I show you my photo and then be OK with no photo on yours? Fair’s fair, right? I also understand that there is a high correlation between a lack of photo on dating profiles and that person being involved in infidelity.
2. In said photo, avoid: pictures where half your face is covered by a beer bottle, beer mug, or other alcoholic beverage. Where you are clearly drunk. Pictures of you with your buds, being manly. No cross-dressing…it troubles me. And cats. I have come across a shocking number of pictures where men have posed with their cats. Occasionally the cat is being cuddled…other times the cat is…just there. Plopped on the couch, clearly disgruntled. Is this supposed to be some sort of clever innuendo about vagina? Why are there no dog/fish/turtle photos? What’s with the cats? Are you trying to get in with the future cat ladies of the world?
3. Be more specific in your self-description. “I’m a fun guy looking for a nice girl” is not going to get any responses, especially if it’s coupled with no photo.
4. Don’t put yourself down in your profile. Such as, “I could stand to lose a few pounds” or “I’m not having much success out there.” And saying that you’re cynical and sarcastic 3+ times in one profile might worry a prospective date. On the other hand, baldly declaring that you are handsome and attractive with no modest qualifier is also hrm-inducing.
5. Be unique; pretty much everyone will say that they like to travel, like to go out and try new things, eat, yadda yadda yadda, but what makes you unique? Anecdotes are great here. “Once, while I was tagging caribou in Siberia…”
6. Spelling. Grammar can be tricky, I grant you, but SPELLING. How hard is it to spell “beautiful”?

Alright, I’ve said my piece. Back to sifting through the profiles…not that I’m a great catch at all, but I don’t believe the people who say that chemistry.com doesn’t hook you up with enough matches. There are 60some sitting in my account. And I’m quite ordinary, in appearance and presentation. So overall this is working out well, in terms of options. But I’m still going to give Plenty of Fish a spin, once this subscription runs out.

And ballet…yes, still going. More ballet posts soon.