adorable ’shmen

I arrived at my first section today at about 15 minutes before class, about 3:45. I looked around expectently, but no students outside the classroom. I glanced into the classroom and saw a line of students’ backs. I assumed that this was the class preceding my own, and waited. And waited. And finally I decided to go into the classroom to ask the instructor if they were clearing out soon. But once I poked my head inside–no instructor! These were my students!

I was shocked to see them there 15 minutes early. So cute. They were so eager and fresh and enthusiastic. Amazing. They were almost all freshmen, and a few were transfers from junior colleges. For a lot of them this was their first college class EVER. They asked questions about the exam, about grading, expressed concern about their language abilities, and all declared that they wanted A’s. One (Chinese) student even wished me a happy moon festival.

Admittedly it was a little bit awkward, which was probably due to our common inexperience. However, it was truly heartwarming to see that much enthusiasm and concern about class. Many of them were like..”I love history!” They were just so very young.

Being that history and I are experiencing a rocky time in our relationship right now, I hope that history is kinder to them.  Still, their excitement and (seeming) dedication is inspiring, and revives me. Unexpected.

I just wanted to pat their heads and give them cookies. Squeee!

the 3 r’s: relief, recovery, reform

history nerd points to anyone who understands the above reference.

so…I’m DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woke up yesterday at 6…got my computer, keyboard, and about 10 lbs. worth of snacks together, and marched out the door with a similarly stressed out friend to the bus stop.

7:05AM wait a minute…the bus doesn’t start coming till 7:30!

7:06-7:25AM running through westwood toting increasingly heavy backpack toward history deptmt

7:30AM arrive sweaty & somewhat vile at grad advisor’s door. Commune briefly with anxious cohort.

7:50AM Receive the test…set up computer, keyboard, etc in advisor’s office. She left me yummy snacks! Aw!

8AM Begin outlining question 1.

8:10AM realize this is not going to work out. Abandon outline, start new question.

Actually, the rest is kind of a blur of typing. I remember sprinting to the bathroom for breaks. At 4:45 I realize that they closed? Cancelled? our print accounts in the lounge. I beg the department office to please print my comps. They kindly oblige, and I turn that sucker in at 5:01. Alcohol in plastic cups and wheat thins with cohort outside.

My assessment of my performance–passing, I hope. 25 pages total. I think I nailed the big 3-century question, and the 3rd historiographcial question, but the short era question was iffy, I think. Hopefully, 75% is passing!

Mr. P came afterwards and treated me to my favorite thai noodle shop. I feel pretty relieved that it’s over at this point, though now I’m anxious about when I get my results.

I can’t believe it’s the start of a school year. This test robbed me of my summer.

**********UPDATE************

I PASSED! One step closer to that PhD…and one huge, huge sigh of relief.

Mental paralysis

Today, I sat down to take a practice exam. 5 hours later, I stopped. I couldn’t do it anymore; everytime I looked a the computer screen, my eyeballs secreted a protective glaze.

I’ve taken 2 full practice exams already, so perhaps 3 is overkill. Still, I felt discouraged by my inability to persevere.

Similarly I have a hard time concentrating on reading any more. I think I’ve hit that wall–where you have absorbed all you can possibly absorb, and anything more just bounces off like water on rubber.

I suppose I can do last minute summaries and mini outlines, but the space between today and next Wednesday looks like one big empty.

Next update: Thursday the 20th, the day after the exam.